My first attempt in Twine.
I have updated to add pictures.
Last update before I finish the game
This is my last update. If there are no mistakes, then I will come back and change the status to complete.
You find a purse with an unusual smell and a scrap piece of paper along with a money card.
Wow Gatekeeper. We need more reviewerers like you.
Hope you'll add an "appearance" tab, a stats page, or possibly an avatar so we can track the character's progress.
For the story, I liked where the story was going. I'd like to see opportunities to resist the changes or otherwise affect the changes in various ways without necessarily ending the story. From the premise, the character is only pretending to be a woman to get a scholarship. However, the character kind of inexplicably gets sucked (no pun) into transforming.
Hope you'll keep playing with it and adding stuff. I love the stories that are about the story as well as the change and aren't simply an excuse to view a bunch of bad porn.
Normally, I dont review early stage games unless its something that really stands out to me. I will do so however in this case because I didn't feel that the previous review was entirely fair to the game, or the author. Its ok to critique a game or point out its shortcomings, but its always best to present authors with something solid to work with. When pointing out that some scenes lack detail, one should give examples when they are able, and point out where improvement can be made. After all, if you want an author to improve, you need to give them the tools they need in order to improve.
As anyone who has been around this site knows, ivanoff has been around for a long time, and has created a host of games that we've all enjoyed over the years.
ivanoff is not the most talented author, tending to give abrupt statements in their writing moreso than detailed descriptions. To help cover for this writing style, ivanoff has always used pictures in their games to augment their writing, to help bring the scene to life (And they have always done this well. Also, having chatted a bit in the development thread, it sounds like they plan to do the same with this game once they piece together how to add pictures to a twine game.) But their real strength is in the way that they present well thought out worlds that pique your curiosity. The author likes to present players/characters with an impossible situation, or an enigma, then strings you along as you try to unravel the situation you have been presented with.
Right now, there isn't much to the game. Its simply the introduction, and plot hooks, for a much larger narative. Reading the current game is like reading the prelude to a book, its intended to pique your interest and draw you in for some constructive feedback (Something that almost all authors deeply value.) As of the time of this review, the "in development" thread is only about half a dozen posts deep, I encourage anyone reading this to slip over there, see what the author has planned for the game, and share their first impressions of the game (Like it? Love it? Hate it? Go tell them why. And this is advice I would encourage players of ALL the games on this site to use for every game they encounter.)
One of the most striking things about this game to me is that it intends to incorporate slow transformation, something that we see precious little of. Instead of changes happening instantly, or over the course of a few short hours, the changes in this game appear to be geared towards taking place over the course of months. I desperately hope that the author goes back and expands on the current descriptions of change for future builds of the game.
Some might argue that this game was released too early, however, this is about the stage I tend to present my own games at as its enough content to leave a good first impression on players, but short enough that going back and incorporating feedback is not a major undertaking.
My recommendation to prospective players is this: Dont expect a lot if you play the first couple of builds of this game, but if you feel inclined to do so, take a little time to share your thoughts with the author (And who knows, maybe something that you have to say will be invaluable to the author?) Otherwise, come back and check the game out in another build or two, once the author has had a chance to expand a little on what is already here, and they've had a chance to augment their writing with pictures.
Writing/presentation 4/10. The writing tends to be abrupt, but it is coherent and readable. I'd like to see scenes expanded upon, taking the time to explore what we see and experience in more detail. Saying that we have grown tiny breasts is one thing, but to explain their newfound sensitivity, the slight swelling of the nipples, etc breathes significantly more life into the scene. When/if the author adds pictures to the game, I expect that this number would go up significantly, probably a 6-7 considering their talent for using pictures to bring scenes together.
Pacing 5/10. Pacing felt a bit awkward to me. The first 24-48 hours was great, but then we started receiving week long chunks of time all at once. Given that our bodies were slowly changing over that time, I felt like I was being robbed of the opportunity to explore my budding femininity.
Plot 8/10. An interesting premise, without giving too much away, the character is presented with something of an enigma at the start of the game. Afterwards, they begin to change sibtly. All of this with the backdrop of the character trying to get into college and taking their first tentative steps into becoming responsible for their own fate. Its an uncertain time in the character's life, made infinately more complicated by both their desperate play to get into college, as well as the changes they have just started to experience.
To the author: Keep up the good work, I've enjoyed your work in the past, and always look forward to seeing more from you.
The writing is choppy, awkward, and severely lacking in detail. Events just happen with no explanation. I really can't see anything in this game that actually recommends it as worth bothering with in its current state. Maybe if it got a lot of editting.