Keep in mind this is currently a Concept work, to help me better understand twine. Please Refrain from downloading if you are looking for a Complete or wholesome experience.
I am open to Any and all Critical review, as i can use it to perhaps improve upon the game.
There are currently no advanced systems, and theres is very little content.
I have tried to include a demo that showcases the idea as to the direction of the game and development.
All suggestions are welcome, and any good ideas, that are not too complicated for me, are liable to be included at my discretion, with credit given.
ideally there will be a ton of branching paths, in the final game, however to keep myself from being over loaded. i am going to attempt to maintain a development schedule, focusing on one story branch at a time.
Please take note of how i am handling version numbers
0.1.0 --> 0.1.1 Indicates a Minor change to Systems, or fixes.
0.1.0 --> 0.2.0 indicates a Major change to Systems, or fixes
0.1.0 --> 1.0.0 Indicates a Major Addition to content or a development milestone of equal measure.
*Version 0.2.0 - Corrected a horrible mistake, and changed formats to sugarcube. Please note that this release is quite broken in some areas.
*Version 1.0.0 - Re-Written from scratch, cleaned up technical aspects and writing while gaining a more clear direction for the plot.
*Version 1.5.0 - Decent update, including technical updates, some story progression and some experimental stage stuff.
Honor to The Following People, for pointing out Flaws, having good ideas, or just being cool.
You assume the role, of a 18-22 year old man, who was recently laid off from his job.
Only Two so Far
1.) Main player Character
The game is 4MB of which a single image is 2MB. The game currently includes about 25 passages of content, with some alternates, and eight images. The text is brief and of poor quality. At the moment, this is not worth downloading.
I would recommend the author avoid numbering passages, as renumbering things is a pain, and use a spelling checker. And since you have now had three releases, it is probably time to find a reason for people to play your game.
It's a proof of concept more than anything. What's there seems to be of good quality, but what's there is also about 3 minutes of content. It's not bad, it's just short to the absolute extreme. That said, there's nothing really negative about what's been done and I'll likely try future releases to see what is added.
If you made a forum thread for your game, you might get more feedback and suggestions.
Still fairly early for any concrete recommendations. But I'll drop my 2 cents.
-The writting is fine for an intro. Good flow, easy to pick up what you need, even if you're glancing over it (which is what I did, don't expect grammar help from me). The wording for the skin tone bit is a tad awkward though.
-The pictures are alright, but some consistency would be nice. I understand the difficulty, but it kinda takes me out of it when the girlfriend is inroduced with blonde hair and the proceeding pic is brown hair. Not the worst thing, but if you can manage it that would only help.
-Not sure about all the choices. The "Man/Man/Man?" seems like it could drop the middle "Man". And there doesn't seem to be a choice for average height, unless that was "String Bean".
But yeah, looking good so far. From the tags it looks like slowly becoming a bimbo is a route, which I'm always down for. Hope to see this expand further.